Today, we have a special guest post from the lovely Mrs. Thompson, our official wife here at APoC . . .
I am so excited; I get to the Gym early. Dork early. 4:45pm, for the 5:30 class.
The locker room is weird and intimidating. They have a scale like my vet’s office… I don’t want to leave my bag in there because I don’t have a lock for the locker. Who has a lock for their locker?! I throw my hair in a ponytail, put on some chap stick, and head out.
I walk upstairs and think I will check out the spin room and become one with my nervousness, but there is a class going on. It is so loud. I decide to find a corner and sit down. My phone battery is at 10%. I have no charger, so I don’t surf social media. I actually sit and look around at things. It feels…exposed.
A gaggle of women seem to be forming around me. A hot, buff dude walks in and says they are doing a boot camp class and do I want to join them? No, no I don’t. I am here to spin. I am woman. Hear me roar!
I watch boot camp for a while. It looks easy.
Finally, other people start lining up for the 5:30 class. I worry I might not get a bike. I go stand by the door, next to the girl with the shaved head, the old man with skinny legs, and the hot blonde. We don’t speak.
The door opens and lots of sweaty people come out.
I get a bike in the very back corner, then see a girl who looks nice. I walk up to her and say, “Hi, I’m sorry to be this person, but I have never done spin, could you help me out?”
She sighs at me. Actually sighs at me. Then proceeds to give me the low down, bike seat adjustment, handlebars, etc. But I can’t have the bike next to her, because her friend is coming, so could I just scoot down one?
Sure I can.
I am amused.
Finally, the instructor comes in. She is nice, Jody. She walks around and I say, “Hey, I’m new.” She says “Oh, we got us a spin virgin.” I am already uncomfortable on the bike seat, and I say, “it feels like that’s all about to change in a very real way.”
Class starts, and the girl’s friend still hasn’t shown up. She assures me her friend is just running very late…I eye the empty bike between us. A cycle of suspicion.
We start to spin. The music sucks. It’s techno club music and I was looking forward to something I know…like you know, ‘Lil Wayne or Taylor Swift. Raffi. Whatever they have lying around.
The instructor is a yeller. She watches me specifically and I know her eyes are burning into my soul. I think I will impress her, as the quickest learning spin virgin she’s ever known.
She yells “WOODY. PUT YOUR HANDS AT 2!” I look up and she’s yelling at me. She laughs and says, “We call new spinners Woody.”
I smile and move my hands.
2 minutes in, we have turned our knob 10 times. I am keeping up.
3 minutes in, I realize I can’t do this anymore, so I sit and turn my knob all the way back down to nothing. Jody yells GET UP.
I get up.
I warm up, and get a groove. We keep tightening the knob. I finally figure out if I do half of what she says, I can sort of keep my legs moving. Sometimes when she tells us to tighten the knob, I loosen mine. I’m not proud.
Half way through the class, the girl’s friend shows up. I feel better that maybe it wasn’t personal.
At some point, we are sitting more than we are standing. I start to feel…things. I value my lady bits and I become concerned for my own welfare. What if things stop working? What if I have a permanent bike seat disfigurement? Will Travis still love me?
I decide he will, and I peddle on.
15 minutes later, we are back to standing, and I have never been so happy in my life to be standing and peddling a bike. I consider wrapping my towel around my seat before we sit down again, just for a little something.
I wonder what time it is.
This goes on and on. I look around for the clock, hoping that we are close to done, but I can’t find it. My arms are hurting from spin class, and I marvel at how out of shape I must be.
I finally find the clock. We have 4 minutes left. I feel a burst of energy. I can do anything for 4 minutes!
4 minutes later we are still going. I realize the class started 5 minutes late, and Jody is going to give us every bit of time she can.
Turn your knob 3 times to the right!, she says.
#@%& you! I actually say out loud.
I turn my knob once to the left, an act of rebellion that gives me the strength to go on.
Finally, we are done. The girl who sighs and her late friend tell me I should try a different class because they have better music. I walk to my car, feeling good. I feel great actually.
I think…I think I liked it.